On a sunny day after much of a rainy season, I stood in complete shock as I witnessed a young man whom I come to know and care about trying to hold his composure in what will soon be a disastrous event in his life. The day started like any other day but somewhere in the day it turned unproductive, and the room filled with anger, confrontation, and disrespect. I watched as the young man turned from this happy-go-lucky person to someone filled with anxiety, agitation, irritation, and anger. I could see him trying to hold his tongue, composure, posture, and demeanor while being offended at what was being said to him by angry disrespectful people. I wondered how he would eventually deal with or process how he was feeling as people kept disrespecting him all day. It was clear the situation was beyond his control and I was afraid it may become out of control.
To my dismay, he seemed like he was handling it okay until he called home. I assumed he called home to hear a kind friendly voice to help him process how terrible his day was going but the loved one on the other end was not receptive to hear what was being said. I watched as this young man became more agitated and irritated. He began to pace the floor back and forth, shaking his head vigorously, pounding on the table, and eventually excused himself from the room. In dismay, I sat quietly in a somber prayer that he would be okay. I prayed that God would intervene, and he would be able to release this apparent rage I saw building up in him.
But within the hour, he left the building and disappeared. Many people reached out to him hoping he just needed to blow off some steam but to no avail. The next day he returned with bruises, bite marks, and busted knuckles…. In shock and horror, I sat with tears welled in my eyes and heart as he explained the apparent bruises. He explained he was attacked by his loved one once he left the building, but in my heart, I knew I was looking at aggressor bruises and not bruises of someone being attacked. Aggressor bruises always involve the knuckles or fist if you will, and victim attacks typically show defensive marks and bruises. I knew in my heart what I had seen and witnessed the day before what the prelude or pre-planning of a domestic violence attack about to happen. I cried and prayed for the person on the opposite end of his apparent fist and plead with God to please help me to help people. Not just the victim but the aggressor. It was clear to me this man whom I respected has some serious problems that I’m sure are rooted somewhere in his past that taught him he exerts frustration, anxiety, ridicule, disrespect, and all other negative emotions with his fist.
I listened as he seemed to be calm the next day but regretful and almost mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. He kept looking at his fist with a look in his eyes that said he hated who he was! Or what he had become! He looked helpless and I’m almost certain he felt embarrassed as he kept apologizing for his appearance and agitation the day before.
With a frog in my throat, I began to quietly pray for him that God will grant him peace and forgiveness. My heartache for him and his loved one and I barely slept as I found myself drifting my thoughts over my survivorship from domestic violence. Thinking to myself when will it all end? When will we as a society address the real issue surrounding domestic violence? The aggressor in domestic violence situations is someone’s son or daughter. Someone’s child. The victim as well…. Hurt people keep hurting other people. We lock up the batterer, but when he’s released, he continues the behavior with another victim, and the cycle continues. This continual cycle is why God is calling me to help empower people through my ministry CKBONE Ministries due to Launch July 1, 2021!